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nosejob-bro

stop stealing my personal brand.  the keytar-personal brand is mine.  i own it//and all derivative meme-proceeds.  your personal brand is nosejobs.  also, you’re holding it backwards.  and you need to turn it on to make the sound part happen.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

icanteachyouhowtodoit

this video is culturally important.  it is a zeitgeist//memesayer.  it shows us who we once were, and instructs us who we can possibly be.  it is especially relevant in our time of economic despair.  we should look to “its spirit of nonchalance” + john maynard keynes to help get the world economy back on its feet again.  president-elect obama’s greatest difficulty in addressing the many problems created by the global economic downturn will be his unyielding seriousness.  i don’t mean to diminish this quality, for though i’ve enjoyed the stream of impromptu LOLZERS provided by our current president, i think the office and the people its represents demand more.  but NEVER FEAR:: between obama, summers, geithner, et al, the sheer amount of brainpower lurching from washington will be staggering.  of course, paulson was alright (3 of 4 stars), though lacked a soul//heart due to “working for goldman sacks//the man.”

 but seriously yall, what’s up with paul krugman saying that the finance sector has been attracting america’s best and brightest?  best and brightest?  come on, SIR//DR//nobel-prize winning economist, these are business school kids we’re talking about!!! nary a “best” nor “bright” has come out of that “discipline” since iacocca.  srsly.  did you forget your roots?

anyways, lest we become too distracted, the important point is that obama et al need to treat the “lil economy” more like a child caught strangling a puppy, and less like a deranged lunatic waving a gun//neck bomb (new television meme).  if the economy knows we [//via obama] are scared, it will feed on this like an acid flashback during eraserhead.  that is why we can’t fear fear, like FDR taught us in a fireside chat.

thus, i hereby call for a “lil” free-spiritedness!  take heed, ye policymakers!!  is elton john afraid?  NO!  did he take a bunch of pills and jump in a swimming pool!?  maybe, but that had more to due with closeted homosexuality than a nagging despair over wrong-headed economic views. 

discussion points for teachers//educators::

  • is the red boa an ad hoc xmas decoration?  
  • do they know its christmas?
  • are the last 20 seconds the inspiration for lynch’s inland empire?
  • if your students were to surreptitiously discover this blog [//via googley], would they be negatively influenced by my lack of capitalization?  would they be bored and think things are a “lil dull” over in the midwest//suburbia?

folks//yall.

over the last decade or so blogging, many readers have written us noting an apparent similarity between filmS blog and the writings of mr malcolm gladwell.  though staff may have sent you angry, offhand responses, or simply put yall on our spam-blocker list, we would like to say (on the record) that the comparison is not totally unfounded.  

  • mr gladwell is america//suburbia’s “ideas” guy — filmS blog is also an “ideas” guy
  • mr gladwell makes hundreds of thousands of $$$ selling books…filmS blog produces roughly the same revenue as googley(.com) from selling adspace//tshirts

i have realized that exact area of contention we felt with yall, dear reader, and have come up with a compromise position, that incorporates some of your observations, and protects us from some of our ugliest fears.  our marketing dept has made it into a slogan, so yall can grasp its meaning:

filmS blog…”kinda like gladdy, but “a lil” smarter”

am i sounding too pretentious?  do yall think that i am secretly “a lil dumb” like billy kristol!?!?  well if you do in fact think that, it may be because you are “theory poor.”  gladwell thinks that yall have a lot of experiences:  purchasing gasoline with a credit card, using a coupon at carl’s jr//taco bell, walking by “shoot the freak” at coney isl. and being like “what the…”, stopping and rubbernecking at “shoot the freak”, noticing the high concentration of mom//child duos shooting the freak at “shoot the freak”, searching desperately for a rationalization that will allow you to “shoot the freak”, shooting at “the freak” but missing, paying MORE//MAS money//dineros to “shoot the freak” again, etc.

the point is, gladwell thinks that your lives are filled with meaningful experiences, but that you don’t have the tools to necessarily make them meaningful.  this is his job, as america//suburbia’s “ideas guy.”  so what are these ideas, you all are wondering??  specifically, what is the big idea from this latest treatise OUTLIERS???  well, its a longer work, so there are two main points (thanks to julie, our adorable intern!!)::

  1.  some geniuses are not studied by historians, because they didn’t contribute to “history” as much as other geniuses (think about tom hanks//forest gump). 
  2. if you’re a computer genius, having a computer helps you.  if you’re a musical genius, and you live in a very cloudy world of mud, tied to a pole//stick(driven into frozen winter shite), and never touch an electric flute//harpsichord, the aforementioned historians will never care about you.

****i need to “stop the journalism” to make a personal disclaimer.  once i had this annoying professor who was “a lil” pompous//anti-semitic, and he really loved the beatles.  he even went so far as to include the two beatles composers (lennon, mccarthy) on a really meaningful display of the 100 greatest composes ever, which wallpapered the music building.  do yall know which “lil” college i’m talking about??  anyway, i felt like the beatles were such an integral part of this prof’s personal brand, that i could never listen to them//help virally market their videos.  this is simply to say that there was a certain point in time when i would have been more sympathetic to a view that claims the rise of the beatles had little to do with their vision//composition.  

thinking point/thought point/gladdy point::  does crema always float to the top?  is $4.5 too much for a double latte?  should i make my students read gladwell?

folks/yall.  

breaking news from the newsdesk:  the embattled governor of illinois spoke for the first time today, addressing the charges brought by patrick fitzgerald, the united states attorney for illinois.  mr blagojevich made several predictable and quotidian scandal “genre statements”, though in an unexpected turn, made shocking reference to what inspiration he has received from zimbabwe’s authoritarian leader, robert mugabe.  unfortunately, the sophisticated proprietary software that filmS blog staff utilizes experienced a major bug//flaw, causing many of our sources to scramble.  the irony is quite unintended, as our software is incapable of rational thought//ironic self awareness.  we are able to provide yall with a mix of mugabe and blagojevitch quotes, though we can not accurately associate each with its owner.  

thank you for your patience,

the editor’s desk

 

                 

 

  • “I will fight this thing every step of the way. I will fight. I will fight. I will fight.”
  • “I can’t wait to begin to tell my side of the story and to address you guys and, most importantly, the people of XXXX. That’s who I’m dying to talk to.”
  • “Power to rule the country does not come from Bush. Power comes from the people here.”
  • “I’ve got this thing. And it’s fucking golden. I’m just not giving it up for fucking nothing. I’m not going to do it. I can always use it. I can parachute me there…”** 
  • “We will not compromise our principles of freedom and national sovereignty, no matter who gets upset.”
  • “Kids today are technologically sophisticated. In many families, they are far ahead of their parents.”
  • “Our party must continue to strike fear in the heart of the white man, our real enemy!”
  • “You’ve got to be careful how you express that and assume everybody’s listening. The whole world is listening. I would do it in person. I would not do it on the phone.”
  • “We are not hungry… Why foist this food upon us? We don’t want to be choked. We have enough.”

** = the actual report read by mr fitzgerald had the word “bleep” and its variants instead of “fuck”, which is printed above.  the sophisticated integration sofware of filmS blog was only able to reproduce “bleep” with “+C”.  however, sources who asked not to be named have confirmed our prima facie suspicions.  

XXXX = redacted

folks//yall.  

see if you can count the number of times mr welk “spaces out” while delivering the two introductory sentences about this piece.  is this because of the inferior teleprompter technology available at the time of the show’s taping [//via memorization]?  or, is mr welk simply developing a meme that is decades ahead of his time [//via president bush]??  i hope yall aren’t thinking ive simply devolved to the level of making fun.  my appreciation of this piece is wholly post-sincere, post-ironic and post-minimalist.  essentially, im about as aware as a human could possibly be.  and whilst visually engaged with this piece, dear reader, i am as satisfied as a human could e’er imagine.*

****NB  does anybody know if this is the indigo girls?

folks.  

the semester has wound down to the “end of the semester”.  finally the semester is at the place which we call the “ending place”//espacio.  earlier in the semester an event transpired which i needed to communicate my deepest thoughts and feelings regarding but was inhibited from doing so due to the conflicting interests of a student//learning pupil and blogger//memesayer.  that’s right folks, i had to “recuse” myself from my position here on the interweb for fear of creating a “conflict of interest”//shameful self-promotion.  

anyways on the first day of my foreign policies class, the professor handed out a rather innocuous-looking survey.  i was unmoved.  i was a “lil nervous” about being in class again, and i was afraid that everyone around me was bubbling with unattainable expertise.  more on the latter after i “recuse” myself from school//graduate.  so the survey is filled with the typical foreign policies first day of class survey questions like::

  • “are you familiar with UNSC 1769?”
  • “if so, what is the name of the force that it authorizes?”
  • “do europeans give precedence to common law over treaties, or vice versa?”
  • “do you think billy kristol is a “lil” dumb?”
  • “do you think he is pretty funnie hosting the oscars?”
  • “what is your main source of news?”

anyways so she presented the results back on the next class session, and, lo!,  47% of the responders/respondents, responding to the ultimate aforementioned question, ticked the box with the answer “the daily show with jon stewart OR anotherwaitingroom’Z filmS blog [//via miss you JAMES AGEE]” —  i wasn’t so surprised to see a prestigious blog listed on the survey, though i was more surprised that our slightly older but “cool” professor was with it enough to “get it” in reference to todays memes.  what REALLY surprised me was how many people in this randomized sampling receive their news from this website as a matter of priority…

yall.  check out the new york times, yall.  send them your monies.  seriously though folks, what’s better god, or the new york times?  if you chose the latter, try to solve this tricky math problem (hint…try taking the derivative).  

anotherwaitingroom’Z filmS blog [//via miss you JAMES AGEE] + god > new york times

 

many friends and business colleagues have previously chided me for poking fun at the burgeoning web phenomenon and striving MEMESAYER pitcherfork(.com).com, one going so far as to claim that my expletive-implying comments were akin to “spitting on a baby//babe” or worse, “pouring boiling water on the ants” [//via thom yorke.]  i guess felt pretty bad when i imagined what it would be like if terror-seekrs overran the SMITHSONIAN, putting stray bullets in prized artifacts of our nation’s history//civilian non-combatants.  

but yall!  hasn’t pitcherfork been around long enough that it no longer can be earnestly called baby//babe!?  wouldn’t it be more appropriate to call it a fragile “tween” seeking to carve out a unique identity via therapy/organic snacks?  maybe i’m wrong and really jumping the gun on saying something bad//mean-spirited.  maybe pitcherfork should receive a government subsidy to create a “temporary monopoly” so its individual demand curve = the market demand curve…[//via AR = D.]  might have to deduct that portion of the budget from my taxes yall.

i have two points.  i’ll make them succinctly, to atone for the long-windedness above.

  • the last relevant music pitchterforker reviewed was this.  
  • the following quote, from striving MEMESAYER m sandlin:I mean, at times, XXXX can outdo even the best of the woe-is-me sad sacks: American Music Club, Will Oldham, Red House Painters’ Mark Kozelek.”

yall. did this guy just mention will oldham in the same sentence as.  mark kozalek?  maybe someone needs to get a grip on his/her “faculties”!?!?!   AND THEN “sad sack” — should i really address this point, yall?  don’t worry, i WONT//will (via roundabout means.)    i just dont get ppl who are all like “h8 god yall” but who keep living rent-free in his dingy, mildewy, kinda-gross basement.

* XXXX = REDACTED

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